TOMORROW is the key to happiness....

Well this has been dormant for a while now. Sorry to those of you who actually read this. I have been side tracked with finals, rocky relationships, and self discovery. So to start off I guess I will tell you about finals. I managed to pass every single class and I only got a C in one, and I got one A and the rest are Bs. I am very proud of myself considering this was my first college experience away from home and no help from anyone but me. So I lived through my first semester. The second one thing on the list; well, that one is a little more of a hairy situation. Let's just say it is a singletons Christmas for me. Lastly my journey of self discovery. This is the topic that has been most interesting for me so far and it isn't even close to being over. I came to discover, through the tough love of my parents, that I was a complete nut bar. I had taken my body, my temple and turned it into my own personal asylum. I was so worried about how others see me that I had been creating my own drama. Which now that I think about it is rather funny because I hate drama. I was a fool, but in reality who isn't? While I may not be having the whirl wind happy go lucky break that everyone else is having, I have something better. I have my family. No money to go on some crazy trip, not a lot of presents, no snow, no romance, and no excitement in sad little Kelso; but I am OK. Better then OK. to let ones self be broken mean that one has temporary given up on life. I am not giving up.

The best thing about all of this realization is the fact that one word has started to change my out look on things. the word TOMORROW. The next day can only get better. Say you made a mistake on Monday; here is the beauty... one less mistake you will make on Tuesday. It can always get better. I am not broken, but I am constantly wearing band aids and using ice packs from falling, but I always get back up. I may not be broken, but I will admit with complete certainty that I am dis functional, that is part of being me. I am strange and I like it, that is just the way I am. The best Christmas gift I could have gotten this year I have already gotten. The gift of knowing that I am not alone in my struggles; I have my family, my wonderful friends, and God. I will never again in my life be alone or will have any reason to feel that I am. I am a bandaged, dis functional, weirdo... and that's not bad.

Chicken Excitement and Dance Moves

So following up my all night escapade... I actually was up for a total of 36 hours, and let me tell you, it got very interesting. According to campus accounts from friends I tend to get sassier then normal when I am tired (Ha! Try to imagine that), and I get slightly delirious. The interesting part of my delirium is that it has carried over from my sleep deprived state to every day life. My delirium was shown through eminence excitement, well apparently college is Oh so very exciting to me. I find the dumbest things exciting. Example one; next weeks improve show is themed... 80s. I am so excited about it I spent the last class period planning my costume. Example two; the caff is serving chicken patties and burger buns. I almost did a cartwheel in line when I realized I get t have a chicken burger.

On top of my chicken excitement I have become entertainment for other students on campus. My best blunder thus far would probably have to be what happened on Monday. I have this thing where I walk/dance around campus at around 9:30-ish at night. I was rocking out to a remix of "All Night Long" by L.R. and I was walking to one of the back classrooms. Unbeknown st to me there was actually a class in the room. Mid dance move I turn around and wouldn't you know, there was a class full of about 30 students laughing. Glad you enjoyed the show, I'm here all semester! So far I am falling out of my comfort zone instead of stepping out of it. Glad to know I am a literal and subconscious klutz. Well I need to get to my love of the Big Bang Theory. "Live long and Prosper."

Nerd-tastic!

You know that whole saying, "life comes at you fast"? Well why is it that the only parts of life that come wizzing towards your head are the ones that you dont want and the ones that you do want to hurry up and get there take forever? For thoughs of you that know me I have a hard time being pacient with a lot of things and the aspects of life that I dont know anything about it one of these things. Everything is upside down and I feel like my brain is on the fritz. Well, that might have something to do with the six cups of coffee that I have drank today or the fact that I have now gone about 30 hours with no sleep, I think I am slightly delirious. The only thing I keep looking forward to is the day that I get to go to play practice. I feel safe, happy, creative, adn at home in the drama room. I feel like something is pulling me back to this one building. I know it isnt the lack of sleep talking becasue ever since I started doing Everyman I cant stop smiling when I leave practice. The people are beyond amazing.

Another thing I look forward to every day is watching the sun set. Like right now I am watching it through the drama hall windows and it is beautiful. The only hing that wouold mat it better is if I had some one to share it with and a hot beverage. I promise that is my only lovey dovey bit I am going to put into this post.

In other news I have broken my record for staying awake. I have officially gone 30 hours without sleep! It wasnt just pulling an all nighter either. It was writing a paper and deciding; hmm, do I try to sleep and brobably not wake up for class or do I just stay awake for 3 more houres an then get ready for class. I picked the second becasue it seemed to be the lesser of the two evils. So I stayed up and watche The Big Bang Theory for three hours. Oh and If you haven't seen the show you msut take a chance on it... SO FUNNY! I think the really funny part is that I actually get all of their jokes... most of them are all massive scientific terms but they make complete sence to me. It is probably my new favorite TV show =). The best thing about it is that the guys in it are 100 percent socially awkward; and I love socially awkward people! Any ways I need to get some sleep =). Talk to you all later!

Small Changes...

Today is probably the laziest I have ever been! I didn't wake up until 11, which is weird for me, I am still in my PJs, and I am eating cinnamon cotton candy, tortilla chips, and peppermint tea for breakfast. HA! Can you see where my day is going? Its is nice because this is the first week that I don't have a ton of homework looming over my head.

In other news I have another blog on Tumblr and it is all about fashion and makeup; Fashion According To Sassy Pants! LOL! Well needless to say I am doing a lot better since mt last posting. I am not super worried about what I am going to do with my life now. My mom brought to my attention that with a teaching degree I can branch off any where so that put me at ease. Also I have started to make some great friends. Friday my floor brothers and sisters went to the beach and had a bonfire, then a small group of us went down to the U district, which was amazing! I loved every minute of it. it is nice to go to a school where almost everyone embraces your weirdness and is willing to be friends with you. I love you 600 Tribe!

OK, so on a not so wonderful note I did have a bad night last night. In high school I was not as accepted by the student population. The only really solid group that I had was my winter guard team and I didn't realize how much I miss them. I was looking at old Facebook pics last and I lost it. I cried for like 20 min. I decided that I am getting a flag at Christmas time. I need an outlet here. Northwest is a great school but not being allowed to dance unless it is cultural, or choreographed.... I normally don't do choreo, I dance what I feel, whether it is my pathetic attempt at hip hop, salsa, or me busting out in my contempo. But I can't do that here. I have been going on late night walks and just dancing. I probably look like an idiot but hey at least I am dancing. Late night dance sessions are not going to last forever though because it likes to rain in Seattle. If I have a flag I can still play in the rain, besides it will build great muscle that way =). Well here is looking up that life continues to gradually get better. I think the play that I am in is going to do that. The people I get to work with are amazing and I really feel like I am where I am supposed to be. I think I belong on a stage, or in some kind of performance. I always wind up going back to some kind of performance =). I see a pattern.

Well I gotta go and load my new makeup vid on Tumblr. Tune in if you like make up and fashion.

Hasta!

So this is what prison feels like?

Remember that whole, lets see if I can make it through college thing, ha ha well..........

You ever feel like you are constantly beating your head up against a wall. Like you are meant to do something completely then where you are currently headed? Right now I do. I am glad to be in school no doubt but I am not in any way inspired with anything around me. I have no color right now at school, I am a blank canvas. I want to paint, craft, travel, write, dance, fall in love with creativity. I am already so sick of sitting and doing homework all the time. I haven't even had time to wander down town Kirkland yet! I have been in solitary confinement my first two weeks and it is only going to be getting worse. Doing summer school on top of all of this work has gotten to be over kill. I am starting to enjoy school less and less (although people think it is asinine that I even liked school to begin with). I feel like I am in a prison, surrounded by walls to textbooks, papers, and constant worries with a side order of guilt. I am constantly studying because I can't afford to not pass any classes. The price that colleges ask for an education is criminal! I spent my whole Saturday doing HOMEWORK! Seven straight hours to be exact, yesterday was four hours, and tomorrow I get to do more! It is no freaking wonder people drop out of college all the time. As of the moment I do not want to be a teacher. I want to sell art and I want to write novels and poetry, get into an art gallery, and sell my stories. Life is starting to become dry and very stagnant. I need something to change this all around or I am going to go dry and stagnant myself. One piece of advice for anyone who reads this.DO NOT EVER DO SUMMER SCHOOL! You need to give your self a break, do not do what I did. Please.

Sincerely,

The tired, ranting, and overly stressed college student.

From Kelso to Northwest

Wow, long time no post. Ah, well things have certainly changed. For one I am no longer writing to you from Kelso, Washington; but from Seattle, Washington. To be even more exact i am writing from Kirkland at Northwest University. THAT'S RIGHT! I made it to college, now let us see if I can make it through college. Another interesting thing is I have not written about love in a very long time. There for a while it seemed like that was all that was on my mind, but now since I have not dated in a year it is pretty far from my mind for two reasons. Reason numero uno: I am the WORST flirt on the planet. Think of some bad flirting, times that by ten and then you have me! And reason two: I haven't met anyone who is totally up for having a crazy girl friend that watches really cheesy movies, really weird TV shows, has hundreds of different fashion styles, loves to play with makeup, loves God, and loves to be completely random. HA!

So until some one can take me as I am I am diving head first into my text books. Well for those of you who are kind enough to read my pathetic rantings I have some great advice. If you have the opportunity to go to college and get a full degree, do it. I myself need to listen to my own advice. I am having a really hard time not feeling guilty for having all of this money spent on me. I mean, yeah I know education is important but I can see a lot of other things that the money can go to. Putting aside my own personal ideals is going to be hard.

However, in putting aside my ideals I can say that school has already brought me some interesting experiences. Today I killed a dinosaur, played with a real Barbie and Ken, did the disco, hopped like a bunny through Kirkland, did the Hokie Pokie for a sad 70s Christmas clown, danced and sung for a dollar, hung out with Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez, helped two little old Russian ladies find their lost nesting dolls, and ate ice cream. Only in Seattle area people. I'm glad to see that the keep it weird motto has traveled with me from Portland, Oregon to Seattle. Well, it is time for me to bid you good night because my body has gotten tired to the point of not functioning and I have gardening to do tomorrow!

GOOD NIGHT!

Growing up.....

I can not believe that in just five short months I will no longer be living at home in the comfort of mommy and daddy's arms, I am leaving the nest. Now for most teenage kids my age it is a right of passage and the kind of thing that they cannot wait to do.Me, well, I am a home girl (not that kind of home girl).Ii enjoy my family time and getting to make random crafts with mom, working at the scrap book store with grandma, and sharing a birthday with my little cousin. it is beginning to come to my attention that my life is going to feel a lot different when I move away. I will really get a taste of what being on my own is going to be.

With that being said, I wish I could really just skip the whole school part. My mom and I were talking the other day about what we would do if we opened our own business. We would open up a little antique shop/ random gift shop and have things that you wouldn't find anywhere else. if you have seen Ghost Whisperer then Melinda's shop is a pretty good example of what we want to do. I just want to skip the journey through Math, Science, and English and go straight to the the end result. Which, funny enough ends up with my family again. what can I say, I'm a "home girl". =)

Mom, dad, if you read this I just want you to know that I love you and I greatly appreciate the person that you have helped me become; I will do everything I can to make you proud.

Movies And The Mind

Is.t it completely crazy how much a movie can influence some of the things that you think about? I say yes, it is. I never really wanted to leave home and go away to school. Then I started watching all these movies about girls who go off to school and have the time of their life. Now I am so pumped to leave and start my own journey. Also I was never really a city girl, but then I fell in love with movies Center Stage, Step Up 3 and so forth, now I can't wait to live in the city. Lastly I have always loved writing but I have always kinda kept my stories and poems to myself. Now I am thinking other wise. I was watching the movie Revenge of the Bridesmaids and I realized that I am a lot like Parker and a little like Abigail. Both are total smart alacks and one loves to right.. In the movie Abby writes a book and is working on writing her second one. that totally hit with me and now I want to write a book. Now the problem I am having is coming up with a catchy title. I have the plot and characters all sorted out but a title not so much. So if anyone has any catchy titles for a chick-flick type book that is about finding freedom then hit me up and let me know because I am really stuck =).

Sorority Wars

I don't know if it is just me because I am weird, but I have this thing. When I get really into something or I really like a movie I will watch it over and over again. I have now watched Sorority wars 4 times in the past 2 days (including watching it now). It is getting me sooo excited to go away to school. The difference is I am going to a school with no Greek system, and I'm not going to a main stream school. I am going bonkers with the planing! I have a list of what kinds of close I am going to be bringing, what I want my bedding to look like, my NU job application mostly filled out and I haven't even been fully registered yet!!! AHHHHH I am soo excited. In this movie the girl Katie kinda reminds me of myself, and I don't mean looks, she has Hollywood helping her, but I mean in character. She knows what she wants, she has great morals and principals, and she is really quick witted. I think that is why I am getting so excited is because I want to have the same experience as her, well, minus the who public humiliation and harassing from the Delta sorority girls =). Ha ha but I know something like that will happen. People will hate you for no reason where ever you go. I know that for a fact. Time do do some more college shopping; Ebay here i come!!!! =D

Life comes at you fast!

Life comes at you fast; I'm sure everyone has had that saying thrown at them at least once.Life started throwing itself at me last year. I was getting ready to leave and go to Easter Washington University and start a new chapter. Now most normal teens are totally pumped to leave and go off to college; notice how I said most teens? Well I was not so ready to go out and chart my own course, I was stuck in Neverland facing Peter Pan syndrome, not wanting to grow up. I was an 18 year old who was a complete failure as an adult. No car, no job, no license, and from the look of it, going no where.I felt like life was a major league baseball player throwing one curve ball after another and I was the uncoordinated dork who got suck with him for batting practice, that actually felt more like target practice. I was in a down ward spiral to complete loserdom (yes, I am making up my own words). It got to the point where my parents had to go all Paul Bunyan on me and bring down the axe. At first I thought, wow this is completely unfair but then I realized that I am truing into one of those people who is a slug that lives with their parent until they are 40. I started to panic. Step one to becoming my own personal Superman and defeating my kryptonight is getting the whole driving part squared away. Spending the time to actually study for the written test was like scraping a cheese grater across my forehead. I hate homework for starters, and driving scares the crap out of me. Any ways, I learned how to deal with the scaring on my forehead and take the test. I barely passed the written with an 80, but hey I passed. I also want to point out the the test questions contradict common sense. The next thing I had to do was actually drive; everyone run for your lives I'm behind the wheel!!! I passed with an 86, BOO YA!!! Phase one was complete, I am now a licensed driver! Phase two is school. I start LCC in the January. So phase 2 is well on its way. Phase 3 is where I hit a road block; finding a job. In this crappy economy, yeah right. After the first of the year I am going to hit the pavement, hard!

This brings me to my New Years resolution. I am not doing the typical weight loss, find love, make more money, or anything like that. I am A: going to get a job, or die trying, B: get into Northwest University, C: get a car, and D: apply for a different scholarship, everyday until I leave for school. It seems a little heavy to me but I have to do it. Now that these thoughts are going through my head I am starting to see life a little differently. I always talk about wanting adventure, wanting change, and wanting to grow and now I am going out and doing it. The past couple of days I have found myself randomly day dreaming that I am a college student at NYU (super far from home), I live in a coed dorm (not in my comfort zone), I go to school on a campus that is HUGE ( not what I am used to) and you know what, I am soooo freaking happy with life. It is like I am seeing everything for the first time with no child glasses on and I am really excited. Oh and for those of you who actually read this will really get a kick out of this one. I have no boyfriend and I LOVE IT!!!! Almost every post that I did before had something to do with love, because let's face it, I am a girl and it is a great subject to write about. However now I am soooo glad that I don't have to deal with making a guy happy! I want to make me happy and worry about my future! =D Wow it feels really good to say that!

Now I will leave you with this. Being completely petrified of life and its unknown possibilities is completely normal and ok, but don't let fear bring your life to a screeching halt. Write your own story, be your own hero, and for God's sake, don't make your story a drama, horror, or murder mystery. =P Good night!

Your Money Could Be At Risk......

Ok so in todays society money is something that everyone wants and desperatly needs. What would you do if you tried to make more money for your family and in turn wound up losing overa hundred dollars? Well here is my answers as to what I would do.

My mom signed up with this company called Direct Commerce Academy. This company looked great and super affective. What you do is you start a blog for this company and work from your home, sounds perfect right? Well according to their success story a woman of three from Vancouver lost her job and was making over a thousand dollars a month. My mom and several other people and a couple of corporations have falled hard for this scam. Facebook and Paypal are the two major companies that I have heard of that have fallen hard for this sick scam. This company is stealing over a hundred dollers out of the accounts of all who sign up for this company when the victums were only expecting to pay the promised $2.50. This is a sad and sick crime becasue the only people who are signing up for this company are the ones who need money and that is exactly what ios being stolen from them. My family just lost $139.95.... I hope that you all get the word out about this company. They need to be stopped.

What A Girl Wants....

Right now I am going to explain the mystery of how girls tick. I know, I know sounds very complicated and it sounds like a dangerous discussion. First things first, girls actually like to talk about their feelings! Now I know if any guys actually read this they are gonna go oh no! She wants to talk! And for your information yes you actually have to listen. We want a guy who actually cares about what we have to say and who will actually contribute to our conversations; not someone who just sits there like one of Medusa's statues.

The next thing is that "I love you" means so much more then "love you" or "love ya". Believe it or not when a guy takes the time to actually look into your eyes and tells you "I love you" it means the world to a girl, and guys if you really want to get to her heart then tell her that you are completely in love with her, she will melt (but when you say this you better mean it).

Next on the list girls do not expect fancy trinkets to tell them you love them (unless they are high maintenance). The little thing are what really count. Making them something; whether it be cookies, a poem, a love letter, or a scrap book of the both of you; yes I said a scrapbook.

Here are just a few more random tidbits when it comes to the little things; we love it when you cuddle with us, a kiss on the cheek means you care, we don't want to make all of the plans, we are always ready to talk so just call, we love to be surprised, cursing, fighting, or having a great car don't impress us so stop trying, when we say we are cold that it your cue to warm us up, hugs sometimes mean more then you think and if we ever ask for your advice we actually want the truth and want to hear what you have to say. That last statement brings me to my next point.

Be honest with us..... honesty will take you miles in a relationship. If a girl asks you "Honey do these pants make my butt look big?" if they do be honest and I mean gently honest! Don't just come out and say "yeah it looks huge!" If you are nice about it and honest about it she will thank you for it later.

Girls are complex beings that have to be handled with care. We only want a man who is willing to love us despite our complexities.

Film and Life......

Everyone in the world has that one movie that they can watch over and over and over again because it touches their soul. One of the movies that does that for me is Avatar (yes I am well aware that statement makes me a geek to the core). I have been having some trouble understanding life and how things come into play, I have also been having trouble accepting the fact that I do not and will never have all of the answers to life's question. Which brings me to why I love this movie.

First off Jake Sully as many of you know in a Marine who lost the movement of his legs but never stopped living. That is truly a strong person. That made me realize that people should not live their lives with limitations. I don't have a million friends and I am not the most popular person in my town (most consider me odd) but I am OK with that. Watching this movie made me realize that I will find that little niche in this is psycho world where I feel like I am a part of something; just as Jake did on Pandora. My first question is taken care of.

My second thing is, shocking love. That is a very hot topic with me because I want it but can't ever seem to find it. Watching Avatar made me want a love like Jake and Neytiri. The kind of love that is more then a relationship is a bond. The first time I watched that movie I was kind of thrown by the fact that instead if "I love you" they say "I see you". Well that doesn't make sense, right? Wrong. To be perfectly honest those words to me almost mean the same thing. Let me explain because I know that doesn't really make sense. "I love you" is how people show that they care about one another, but in today's world it does not mean the same thing as it should. Today the words "I love you" get tosses around like a hackey sack that can easily be replaced by another. That is not how the words should be uses. In Avatar when they say "I see you" they are saying I see you for who you are and I would never change you; that is why I love you. Isn't that what love truly is? Isn't that what the words "I love you" are supposed to mean? I thought so and I still fully believe that. If God had intended man kind to give and get rid of love as they please he would not have allowed us to use our hole hearts when we really do love some one.

This is a message for everyone. The next time you go to say something to some one, whether it be "I love you" or something else; think about what your saying really means and how it is going to affect some one. No one should have to settle for anything other then the truth, and if a person is not willing to be truthful in what they say and do then do not waste your time on them. There is no reason to hurt yourself when there are so many reasons to just live your life with no limitations.

Imagine: Article one of Insparations

Imagination; fuel for the human soul. The ability to imagine infinite possibilities is a skill that people should hold near and dear to their hearts if they have that ability. To have an imagination mean that you have creativity and creativity can create an entire new world. Pablo Picasso stated that “Everything you can imagine is real.” Now, to some people that seems completely preposterous, but in reality it is true. Let us look at several aspects where this idea seems completely out of the question. One is in the imagination that magic is real. While the wands and wizards are not real like the world of Harry Potter there is another kind of magic that is real. Eternal youth; not physically but mentally. The one thing that is a proven fact that this magic exists is Disneyland. Has anyone ever been able to leave the part and remain the self controlled adult they were when they entered? No. It does not matter if you are 5 years old or getting ready to celebrate your 95th birthday; everyone has the magic of eternal youth.

This is just one form of magic. It can come in many different forms for other people. For me it comes in the form of music, books, love, and film. First is music. To me music is a way of expression that speaks volumes because it shows passion. I can hear a song and be having the worst day and it can completely change my perspective; the magic of change. The next is books. Books come in all different types of categories. Every category takes me on a new adventure; Maximum Ride is an adventure of danger, romance, and adrenaline; Peter pan is a story of romance, fairies, and a whole new place of adventure. Theses stories crate an escape from a normal life, the magic of adventure. Now, on to my personal favorite, love. Love is almost an entire category in itself. To be in love is a feeling that can not really be described. When a person is in love all thoughts are consumed by that special some one almost like a spell. The thought of their face makes your knees feel weak and when they kiss you the whole world just disappears; the magic of love. Lastly is film. Without the imagination that is put into writing a script, finding characters, dressing said characters, and putting on a wonderful production there would be no films in the world. I love film because they can be moving and seem so real even thought you are just watching the lives of the people on the silver screen unfold. When I come out of a movie I feel like anything is possible like what I just saw was real. That may sound sad and some what crazy but it is another escape from reality; the magic of fiction.

The world needs imagination or else life as we know it would just come to a screeching halt. When I say thins I don’t just mean the happiness factor, I mean all life. Without imagination we would have never had the wheel, computers, cell phones and all the wonderful varieties that Starbucks has to offer. Imagination makes people interesting and wonderful. This brings me to the saying, “the mind is a terrible thing to waste”, if you have no imagination then you have already wasted your mind, and most of your life’s happiness.

My Life In The Stop Lane....

Having one of those days...... you ever had one of those days where you just are not content with being yourself? Well I am. I don't know what it is but something just got me down. I think it is all this rain, but back to my day and what I was talking about. I wish there was some adventure! For me this could be a number of things. The first thing that comes to mind is m parents winning the lottery; now that is a good time =). I would wake up first thing in the morning and go get me my new Subaru Outback that I want. My senior trip would be a no brain er! I would be going to the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas... and possible bring home a cute cabana boy ha ha! That is adventure numero uno. The second one that comes to mind is the adventure of love. Meeting the right guy, because lets face it, those who know me know that I have no luck with the guy department. Now when I say meet the right guy I don't mean I want prince charming to walk up to me in class and wonder where I have been his whole life; that is way to cliche for me and too conventional. I am a more unconventional person. I dream of having that wow factor. Now i don't mean wow factor like the guy is a super spy or anything because that is just crazy talk; I mean something along the lines of I have never met this guy before and he makes an effort to get to know me and takes me out on a date that is something totally crazy, like a hockey game, a museum, a candle lit picnic in the park, something not normal. No movies, or generic dinner dates those are over rated. I picture my night in shining armor as something a little more brash then the typical spic and span stereo type. I picture a savage hockey player, a guy with a few tattoos and maybe a piercing or two, or maybe even a dancer. Like I said, I don't do typical. And now da da da! Adventure number three something crazy that could never happen. Becoming best friends with some one totally famous. I don't know who but that would be awesome! I think shopping in crazy places and going to awesome clubs and meeting other famous people would be completely insane!

Well Those are my adventures one or two may happen ha ha but for now I am just going to enjoy my like in Kelso where nothing crazy ever happens and I will just dream about one of my wonderful adventures possibly happening.

Tennyson and love...

Every one at one point or another has heard the saying, "Ti's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." Lord Alfred Tennyson wrote that. Now Tennyson is an amazing writer but I personally do not think that he really grasped the concept of what he was actually writing. If a person has never loved then they honestly do not know what they are missing. It is like a person never eating junk food; they know what it is and they want it but they will not understand how it tastes until they have actually had it, the same concept with love. See when a person really truly loves and then loses that love it is not like losing a favorite shirt or a favorite book. When a true love is lost, that person looses a part of them selves. We as humans spend about half of our life trying to figure out who we are, now picture losing a piece of that. It took some much time to build that one piece and now you have to start all over. That is true love. Also true love is even more then that. True love is when a person goes to bed and dreams about the one that they love but wake up to realities nightmare when they have come to realize that the warm and safe embrace is not really there. True love is when you get excited when your phone goes off thinking it might be that person. True love is when you are more excited for that special persons victories then your own and that you are more disappointed for their failures then your own.

I believe in true love with my whole heart and I know what it is like to loose love as well and I have to strongly disagree with Tennyson because with the heartache that I feel, I would rather have never loved at all. Yes, true love can actually be that strong.

Love's List

Every person and every culture believes in their "other half". I am included. The amazing thing about love is that there are so many stories about it. One of my personal favorites is the one from Greek mythology. The gods took one man and split him right down the middle; half of him was male and half was the female. These two people would search their whole lives just for the other half; and in the words of H.L. and the News, "That's the power of love!"

Thinking about all this made me think about what I see in love. Now I came to think I knew what I wanted at church camp last year. I made a list of what I want in a relationship and what I deserve. My list is a little faulty.... and it is also long.

1. A man that is kind to all



2. A man that has a heart for God



3. A man that is honest



4. A man that is loyal



5. A man that has all of his priorities in order



6. A man who can make me laugh



7. A man who is pure is preferred



8. A man who wants to take charge of the relationship spiritually



9. A man who will take the time to sit and talk with me



10. A man who does not speak to me out of anger



11. A man who is a gentleman



12. A man who sees the beauty in forgiveness



13. A man who would love my family like their own



14. A man who treats me as an equal



15. A man who shows me how much he loves me in random little ways.



16. A man is creative



17. A man that knows how to have fun



18. A man who is not afraid of my emotions



19. A man who will sit an pray with me



20. A man who will pray for me



21. A man with the right amount of independence and the right amount of dependence



22. A man that I can call my best friend



23. A man that would kiss me on the nose because he thinks it is adorable



24. A man that will call me in the middle of the night to talk to me because he had a nightmare and wants to hear my voice



25. A man who would stay with me all night if I had a nightmare just to make sure I could get some sleep



26. A man that wants to spend every waking moment with me but doesn't because he loves the anticipation



27. A man that has no problem admitting his feelings to me or anyone else



28. A man that will shout from the roof tops how he feels when he is ready



29. A man who will dance with me when there is no music



30. A man who will sing to me when there is no music



31. A man who will write poetry about me



32. A man that wants to take me or random little trips



33. A man who loves to dance, and will take me dancing



34. A man that believes that a romantic dinner does not have to cost a boat load of money



35. A man who will actually send me flowers just because he was thinking about me, and he will get the flowers based on what one remind him of me.

So as you can see I have a huge list =) and I can continue, but then I am worried that it will start turning into a work of fiction... I'm afraid I might have already crossed that line, but a girl can dream right?! If only, if only. Well I am going to head to bed now and dream about my perfect man. Because I now that no matter what happens in reality I will always have my prince charming in my dreams; he will save me from waking up tonight. =)

Mind Sweeper (the relationship version.)

Well everyone has either seen or played a game called Minesweeper. You know, the one where you click on the little squares and try not to hit a bomb. Well my most resent relationship reminds me of the game Minesweeper. First it started out great, hitting a couple of ones when he would give me cute little compliments, some twos when he would kiss my nose and tell me he loves me, and the occasional threes when he would give me cute little gifts to show me how much he loves me. Well with every good streak has to come a bomb; especially for me because I have never won Minesweeper. After the first "bomb" I was crushed and cried for two days. Well today I hit a couple of twos when I got an 'I love you" and an "I miss you" little did I know that was all followed by another BOMB! This is why I do not play video games I do not understand them.

I can officially say that I hate the game Minesweeper, because I don't do mind games. No one should play them because they give you headaches.

I am a princess and my Father is the King of Kings....

Have you ever heard the saying, "the heart wants what the heart wants"? Well my heart seems to want the wrong things. I am saying this as a newly single woman. I feel in love with a man who was my everything. I have never loved so deeply and then... Poof! There it goes. This whole relationship has really opened my eyes to a few things.

1. I have NEVER been in love like this before.

2. A man must love a woman despite what some others think.

3. And lastly, 1 John 4:18... There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out fear. Fear has to do with punishment; he who fears is not perfect in love.

That is 100% true! If you are afraid of anything in a relationship you are not only going to punish yourself but the one that you are with. This fear destroys everything; happiness, good sleep, friendships, the whole relationship will suffer. After a whole day of crying I am actually doing great. I have a new out look on life. In God's eyes I am a princess, and my heart is solely his and just on lone to another man. There for any man who wishes to have my heart has to go to God to get it and he has to treat me like a princess too. I know that probably sounds conceded but it is the truth..... I think it is time for me to turn into bed; work was long and my feet hurt. =)

How to wear the products at your work.....

So a big part of growing up is getting that first job. Well I am a little late in the game but I got myself a job at Burgerville in Kelso... go number 43! Anyways, My very first day was Wednesday. Let me tell you I was super nervous because this was all new to me. Wednesday went really well, I got a free milkshake at the end of the day! Yesterday was my second day of work and I had another really good day and I got a free ice cream cone! All this free stuff was making me think that this was the best job ever. Well then today happened ha ha. Now don't get me wrong today was still a good day but i came to realize that it is not all sunshine and free foods. It was really busy today so I decided not to take my ten min break because I was either cleaning, on shakes, on fryer, stocking, or taking orders;and you know what I was totally OK with that. Any who, I went to make a regular fresh strawberry shake for a customer and I used a shake machine that had been turned off. Apparently the machine was turned off for a reason; it seems that the blender was on the fritz. I stuck the milkshake into the blender, and was totally confident because I had already done about 10 today, I held the cup with both hands, pushed on the pedal and was ready to get the customer their shake quickly..... Serve with love! As I pushed down on the pedal the mixer stared to freak....... Now if you ever want to learn how to were a Burgerville milkshake here is what you do. First you make sure to put all the right things into a regular fresh seasonal strawberry milkshake, which is, 3 pumps of fresh strawberries, half a cup of vanilla ice cream,and then fill the cup the rest of the way with shake mix. I had this in the bag! Step two, you stick the shake in the blender. Step three push on the pedal to make the blender work. and lastly is step four make sure to use a blender that likes to go a little NUTS! right when I hit that pedal I was baptized by the milkshake gods. The milk shake was all over the front of me, on my shoes, on my pants, on my hands, on my arms, and on my face. It was the sexiest out fit ever! So if you ever want to stand out at your work and really get to know your products this is how you make that magic happen.....