TOMORROW is the key to happiness....

Well this has been dormant for a while now. Sorry to those of you who actually read this. I have been side tracked with finals, rocky relationships, and self discovery. So to start off I guess I will tell you about finals. I managed to pass every single class and I only got a C in one, and I got one A and the rest are Bs. I am very proud of myself considering this was my first college experience away from home and no help from anyone but me. So I lived through my first semester. The second one thing on the list; well, that one is a little more of a hairy situation. Let's just say it is a singletons Christmas for me. Lastly my journey of self discovery. This is the topic that has been most interesting for me so far and it isn't even close to being over. I came to discover, through the tough love of my parents, that I was a complete nut bar. I had taken my body, my temple and turned it into my own personal asylum. I was so worried about how others see me that I had been creating my own drama. Which now that I think about it is rather funny because I hate drama. I was a fool, but in reality who isn't? While I may not be having the whirl wind happy go lucky break that everyone else is having, I have something better. I have my family. No money to go on some crazy trip, not a lot of presents, no snow, no romance, and no excitement in sad little Kelso; but I am OK. Better then OK. to let ones self be broken mean that one has temporary given up on life. I am not giving up.

The best thing about all of this realization is the fact that one word has started to change my out look on things. the word TOMORROW. The next day can only get better. Say you made a mistake on Monday; here is the beauty... one less mistake you will make on Tuesday. It can always get better. I am not broken, but I am constantly wearing band aids and using ice packs from falling, but I always get back up. I may not be broken, but I will admit with complete certainty that I am dis functional, that is part of being me. I am strange and I like it, that is just the way I am. The best Christmas gift I could have gotten this year I have already gotten. The gift of knowing that I am not alone in my struggles; I have my family, my wonderful friends, and God. I will never again in my life be alone or will have any reason to feel that I am. I am a bandaged, dis functional, weirdo... and that's not bad.

Chicken Excitement and Dance Moves

So following up my all night escapade... I actually was up for a total of 36 hours, and let me tell you, it got very interesting. According to campus accounts from friends I tend to get sassier then normal when I am tired (Ha! Try to imagine that), and I get slightly delirious. The interesting part of my delirium is that it has carried over from my sleep deprived state to every day life. My delirium was shown through eminence excitement, well apparently college is Oh so very exciting to me. I find the dumbest things exciting. Example one; next weeks improve show is themed... 80s. I am so excited about it I spent the last class period planning my costume. Example two; the caff is serving chicken patties and burger buns. I almost did a cartwheel in line when I realized I get t have a chicken burger.

On top of my chicken excitement I have become entertainment for other students on campus. My best blunder thus far would probably have to be what happened on Monday. I have this thing where I walk/dance around campus at around 9:30-ish at night. I was rocking out to a remix of "All Night Long" by L.R. and I was walking to one of the back classrooms. Unbeknown st to me there was actually a class in the room. Mid dance move I turn around and wouldn't you know, there was a class full of about 30 students laughing. Glad you enjoyed the show, I'm here all semester! So far I am falling out of my comfort zone instead of stepping out of it. Glad to know I am a literal and subconscious klutz. Well I need to get to my love of the Big Bang Theory. "Live long and Prosper."

Nerd-tastic!

You know that whole saying, "life comes at you fast"? Well why is it that the only parts of life that come wizzing towards your head are the ones that you dont want and the ones that you do want to hurry up and get there take forever? For thoughs of you that know me I have a hard time being pacient with a lot of things and the aspects of life that I dont know anything about it one of these things. Everything is upside down and I feel like my brain is on the fritz. Well, that might have something to do with the six cups of coffee that I have drank today or the fact that I have now gone about 30 hours with no sleep, I think I am slightly delirious. The only thing I keep looking forward to is the day that I get to go to play practice. I feel safe, happy, creative, adn at home in the drama room. I feel like something is pulling me back to this one building. I know it isnt the lack of sleep talking becasue ever since I started doing Everyman I cant stop smiling when I leave practice. The people are beyond amazing.

Another thing I look forward to every day is watching the sun set. Like right now I am watching it through the drama hall windows and it is beautiful. The only hing that wouold mat it better is if I had some one to share it with and a hot beverage. I promise that is my only lovey dovey bit I am going to put into this post.

In other news I have broken my record for staying awake. I have officially gone 30 hours without sleep! It wasnt just pulling an all nighter either. It was writing a paper and deciding; hmm, do I try to sleep and brobably not wake up for class or do I just stay awake for 3 more houres an then get ready for class. I picked the second becasue it seemed to be the lesser of the two evils. So I stayed up and watche The Big Bang Theory for three hours. Oh and If you haven't seen the show you msut take a chance on it... SO FUNNY! I think the really funny part is that I actually get all of their jokes... most of them are all massive scientific terms but they make complete sence to me. It is probably my new favorite TV show =). The best thing about it is that the guys in it are 100 percent socially awkward; and I love socially awkward people! Any ways I need to get some sleep =). Talk to you all later!

Small Changes...

Today is probably the laziest I have ever been! I didn't wake up until 11, which is weird for me, I am still in my PJs, and I am eating cinnamon cotton candy, tortilla chips, and peppermint tea for breakfast. HA! Can you see where my day is going? Its is nice because this is the first week that I don't have a ton of homework looming over my head.

In other news I have another blog on Tumblr and it is all about fashion and makeup; Fashion According To Sassy Pants! LOL! Well needless to say I am doing a lot better since mt last posting. I am not super worried about what I am going to do with my life now. My mom brought to my attention that with a teaching degree I can branch off any where so that put me at ease. Also I have started to make some great friends. Friday my floor brothers and sisters went to the beach and had a bonfire, then a small group of us went down to the U district, which was amazing! I loved every minute of it. it is nice to go to a school where almost everyone embraces your weirdness and is willing to be friends with you. I love you 600 Tribe!

OK, so on a not so wonderful note I did have a bad night last night. In high school I was not as accepted by the student population. The only really solid group that I had was my winter guard team and I didn't realize how much I miss them. I was looking at old Facebook pics last and I lost it. I cried for like 20 min. I decided that I am getting a flag at Christmas time. I need an outlet here. Northwest is a great school but not being allowed to dance unless it is cultural, or choreographed.... I normally don't do choreo, I dance what I feel, whether it is my pathetic attempt at hip hop, salsa, or me busting out in my contempo. But I can't do that here. I have been going on late night walks and just dancing. I probably look like an idiot but hey at least I am dancing. Late night dance sessions are not going to last forever though because it likes to rain in Seattle. If I have a flag I can still play in the rain, besides it will build great muscle that way =). Well here is looking up that life continues to gradually get better. I think the play that I am in is going to do that. The people I get to work with are amazing and I really feel like I am where I am supposed to be. I think I belong on a stage, or in some kind of performance. I always wind up going back to some kind of performance =). I see a pattern.

Well I gotta go and load my new makeup vid on Tumblr. Tune in if you like make up and fashion.

Hasta!

So this is what prison feels like?

Remember that whole, lets see if I can make it through college thing, ha ha well..........

You ever feel like you are constantly beating your head up against a wall. Like you are meant to do something completely then where you are currently headed? Right now I do. I am glad to be in school no doubt but I am not in any way inspired with anything around me. I have no color right now at school, I am a blank canvas. I want to paint, craft, travel, write, dance, fall in love with creativity. I am already so sick of sitting and doing homework all the time. I haven't even had time to wander down town Kirkland yet! I have been in solitary confinement my first two weeks and it is only going to be getting worse. Doing summer school on top of all of this work has gotten to be over kill. I am starting to enjoy school less and less (although people think it is asinine that I even liked school to begin with). I feel like I am in a prison, surrounded by walls to textbooks, papers, and constant worries with a side order of guilt. I am constantly studying because I can't afford to not pass any classes. The price that colleges ask for an education is criminal! I spent my whole Saturday doing HOMEWORK! Seven straight hours to be exact, yesterday was four hours, and tomorrow I get to do more! It is no freaking wonder people drop out of college all the time. As of the moment I do not want to be a teacher. I want to sell art and I want to write novels and poetry, get into an art gallery, and sell my stories. Life is starting to become dry and very stagnant. I need something to change this all around or I am going to go dry and stagnant myself. One piece of advice for anyone who reads this.DO NOT EVER DO SUMMER SCHOOL! You need to give your self a break, do not do what I did. Please.

Sincerely,

The tired, ranting, and overly stressed college student.

From Kelso to Northwest

Wow, long time no post. Ah, well things have certainly changed. For one I am no longer writing to you from Kelso, Washington; but from Seattle, Washington. To be even more exact i am writing from Kirkland at Northwest University. THAT'S RIGHT! I made it to college, now let us see if I can make it through college. Another interesting thing is I have not written about love in a very long time. There for a while it seemed like that was all that was on my mind, but now since I have not dated in a year it is pretty far from my mind for two reasons. Reason numero uno: I am the WORST flirt on the planet. Think of some bad flirting, times that by ten and then you have me! And reason two: I haven't met anyone who is totally up for having a crazy girl friend that watches really cheesy movies, really weird TV shows, has hundreds of different fashion styles, loves to play with makeup, loves God, and loves to be completely random. HA!

So until some one can take me as I am I am diving head first into my text books. Well for those of you who are kind enough to read my pathetic rantings I have some great advice. If you have the opportunity to go to college and get a full degree, do it. I myself need to listen to my own advice. I am having a really hard time not feeling guilty for having all of this money spent on me. I mean, yeah I know education is important but I can see a lot of other things that the money can go to. Putting aside my own personal ideals is going to be hard.

However, in putting aside my ideals I can say that school has already brought me some interesting experiences. Today I killed a dinosaur, played with a real Barbie and Ken, did the disco, hopped like a bunny through Kirkland, did the Hokie Pokie for a sad 70s Christmas clown, danced and sung for a dollar, hung out with Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez, helped two little old Russian ladies find their lost nesting dolls, and ate ice cream. Only in Seattle area people. I'm glad to see that the keep it weird motto has traveled with me from Portland, Oregon to Seattle. Well, it is time for me to bid you good night because my body has gotten tired to the point of not functioning and I have gardening to do tomorrow!

GOOD NIGHT!

Growing up.....

I can not believe that in just five short months I will no longer be living at home in the comfort of mommy and daddy's arms, I am leaving the nest. Now for most teenage kids my age it is a right of passage and the kind of thing that they cannot wait to do.Me, well, I am a home girl (not that kind of home girl).Ii enjoy my family time and getting to make random crafts with mom, working at the scrap book store with grandma, and sharing a birthday with my little cousin. it is beginning to come to my attention that my life is going to feel a lot different when I move away. I will really get a taste of what being on my own is going to be.

With that being said, I wish I could really just skip the whole school part. My mom and I were talking the other day about what we would do if we opened our own business. We would open up a little antique shop/ random gift shop and have things that you wouldn't find anywhere else. if you have seen Ghost Whisperer then Melinda's shop is a pretty good example of what we want to do. I just want to skip the journey through Math, Science, and English and go straight to the the end result. Which, funny enough ends up with my family again. what can I say, I'm a "home girl". =)

Mom, dad, if you read this I just want you to know that I love you and I greatly appreciate the person that you have helped me become; I will do everything I can to make you proud.